While I’ve been rewriting my novel, a mystery set in a rural Qld town, I’ve been pondering ways I can make the story better, and more interesting. Thoughts such as: “Wouldn’t it be cool if I changed the setting to the 80s?” and “Should someone get blown up?” have taken a back seat to a more pressing question – is my story written from the right point of view?

I recently read an article at the Professional Writing Academy, by Caroline Ambrose, the founder and organiser of The Bath Novel Award. One of her hot tips for getting your manuscript on the shortlist was using first person viewpoint. Apparently, twice as many first person as third person narratives have been shortlisted for the Award, suggesting that first person narratives have more success connecting the reader with the protagonist.

My novel, The Princess Murders, is currently written in third person narrative from the point of view of the main character, amateur private investigator Sylvie Gordon. Crap. Would it have been better if I’d written the story in first person narrative?

I thought about a few of my favourite novels I’ve read recently, and their choice of point of view narratives:

• She Be Damned by M.J. Tjia – predominantly written in first person POV of the main character, Heloise Chancey, alternating with chapters written in first POV of Li Leen
• The Dark Lake by Sarah Bailey – predominantly written in first person POV of the main character, Detective Sergeant Gemma Woodstock, alternating with third person POV chapters from minor characters
• The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins – alternates between the first person narratives of Rachel, Megan and Anna
• An Isolated Incident by Emily Maguire – alternatives between the first person POV of the main character, barmaid Chris Rogers and the third person POV of a reporter, May Norman

From this sample, it appears that in my chosen genre of mystery/crime fiction, first person narrative is the preferred choice.

Last year, I accessed a mentorship through the Queensland Writers Centre and received feedback on my manuscript from writer Emily Maguire. At the time, I asked her the same question about point of view narratives. She said that changing the point of view from third person to first person would substantially change the voice of the book and require some deep thinking about Sylvie’s level of knowingness about herself, and about anything going on around her. Emily suggested I have a go changing the first scene into first person narrative to see how it feels. Here’s a sample of the first 200 words.

Third Person Narrative (current format)

Sylvie had seen the girl go into the house.

It was hours later and her eyes were still fixed on the weatherboard cottage. The sun glinted off the corrugated iron roof and a lazy breeze whispered through the long stems of wheat grass pervading the front yard. She dabbed at the sweat on her forehead with a napkin and discarded it amongst the empty plastic bottles and chip packets at her feet.

William Leeder emerged from the front door. The school teacher struggled with a large bundle wrapped in a garbage bag and his shirt was stained with something wet and dark. Sylvie’s shoulder blades prickled. Was it blood?

Leeder dropped the bundle off the raised veranda and jogged down the steps. He picked up one end of the bag and dragged it through the dirt towards the side of the house.

Feeling conspicuous in her bright red Hyundai, Sylvie wriggled down into the passenger seat. She’d parked haphazardly on the nature strip, far away enough to go unnoticed as long as she stayed in the cover of the Queensland blue gums guarding the front of the property. She fumbled for the zoom button on her outmoded camcorder, but Leeder disappeared behind a large shrub bearing clusters of bright yellow funnel-shaped flowers. She was too late.

First Person Narrative

I’d seen the girl go into the house.

It was hours later and I was still here, staring at the weatherboard cottage. The sun glinted off the corrugated iron roof and a lazy breeze whispered through the long stems of wheat grass pervading the front yard. I dabbed at the sweat on my forehead with a napkin and discarded it amongst the empty plastic bottles and chip packets at my feet.

William Leeder emerged from the front door. The school teacher struggled with a large bundle wrapped in a garbage bag and his shirt was stained with something wet and dark. My shoulder blades prickled. Was it blood?

Leeder dropped the bundle off the raised veranda and jogged down the steps. He picked up one end of the bag and dragged it through the dirt towards the side of the house.

I wriggled down into the passenger seat, feeling conspicuous in my bright red Hyundai. I’d parked haphazardly on the nature strip, far away enough to go unnoticed as long as I stayed in the cover of the Queensland blue gums guarding the front of the property. I fumbled for the zoom button on my camcorder, but Leeder disappeared behind a large shrub bearing clusters of bright yellow funnel-shaped flowers. Damn. I was too late.

Interestingly, rewriting the scene in first person narrative has highlighted some issues in the third person narrative I need to fix. Other than that, I’m still undecided about which point of view is best for the story. What do you think?

It will be a lot of work to edit my (currently) 100,000-word third person narrative into a first person narrative. I think that the benefits of rewriting the story as first person include the fact that the story is told entirely from Sylvie’s point of view anyway, so I won’t lose anything from the point of view of other characters. However, I’m worried her voice might not be interesting enough, or that being inside her head for a whole novel might make her annoying to readers. I also think that a first person narrative in the style I’m writing will appear more chick-lit/cosy mystery whereas a third person narrative is more classic cosy mystery.

Writer’s Digest has a list of questions to help determine which point of view is best for a short story (which can also be applied to longer stories), including first person, close third person and distant third person.

What do you think? First person narrative or third person narrative? What type of point of view narratives do you prefer to read, and what point of view is your story written? Please let me know in the comments below.

Layla is the love of Finn’s life. But on a trip to France, Layla vanishes at a truck stop and is never seen again. Twelve years later, Finn is engaged to Layla’s sister, Ellen. One day, Finn arrives home to find Ellen holding a painted Russian doll, which she says she found on the pavement outside their Simonsbridge home. Finn soon begins receiving more dolls – in the mail and sitting on the stone wall outside their house. The only people who could know the significance of these dolls are Finn and Ellen. It appears Layla is back. And she’s not happy about Finn and Ellen’s engagement.

Bring Me Back is the third page-turning thriller from author B.A. Paris, whose debut domestic malice novel Behind Closed Doors was met with rave reviews and has recently been commissioned for a film. Her second novel, The Breakdown (probably my favourite) was a murder mystery filled with mind games of a ‘gaslight’ variety.

This time, the narrator is investment banker Finn, who straight up tells the reader he hasn’t told the police the whole truth about Layla’s disappearance. He also has a tendency towards violent rages, but has so far managed to control himself. Or has he? Finn becomes concerned his ex-girlfriend Ruby, who works down the road at the local pub, is pretending to be Layla because she’s jealous of his engagement to Ellen. But that doesn’t explain why someone saw Layla at the cottage she shared with Finn in Devon or why Ellen is convinced she saw Layla in Cheltenham.

Part one is told solely from Finn’s point of view, alternating between the past, where he describes his relationship with Layla, and the present. But part two switches between Finn’s point of view and a new surprise point of view character – Layla. But is this really Layla? And if it is, why won’t she reveal herself to Finn and Ellen? And where has she been for the past twelve years? One thing is for sure, Layla, or whoever she is, is testing Finn.

I thought I had the solution by the midway point of the story but clever writing and a raft of twists and turns had me second and third guessing myself. In the end, it doesn’t matter if my theory was right or not, because it’s this ability to keep the reader guessing that’s the mark of a good suspense writer. The solution to the story is slowly revealed like one of Layla’s Russian dolls – each layer removed until the last doll shows us where she’s been hiding.

Some reviewers have suggested the final reveal is somewhat unbelievable but I tend to disagree. The world we live in can be a pretty crazy place, and bizarre things happen every day – so why can’t readers stretch their imaginations and enjoy the possibility of something crazy happening in an entertaining crime fiction story? The final pages where we find out what really happened to Layla are gripping and devastating with tragic consequences.

Anyone who picks up a B.A. Paris novel is guaranteed a good read and Bring Me Back is definitely one to file under “I have to know what happens!”

Bring Me Back by B.A. Paris is published in Australia by Harper Collins.

Standout Simile

Through the rain, my eyes pick out the inky waters of a loch to my left, black reeds jutting through its surface like a three-day growth and I reduce my speed, searching for a cattle grid. Seconds later, my wheels find it, jarring my concentration. I pull in on the other side of the grid. As I get out of the car, adrenalin courses through me.